conscience break with rationaliazation to follow

Do you ever have those days that seem to fly by, despite the fact that at the end of the day you have no idea what exactly you've done to pass the time?

I believe summer was MADE for days like that. Sadly reader, I have this sinking suspicion that my lazy summer days are numbered. Soon, I will graduate. Society will force my hand at a job that will "keep me on task", include "fifteen minute breaks" and if I'm lucky a community "break room" stocked with a smelly refrigerator.

Tonight, however, I smile and relish in the fact that it's 1 AM and I'm sitting naked, drinking herbal tea, waiting for a new cd to download instead of snoozing away the steamy, hot night.

This brings us, however, to the crux of the issue. I have inherited - from my parents no doubt - a propensity for guilt brought on by an immensely bourgeoisie conscience. In other words, I get mini-panic attacks when I think about my pitiful savings despite the looming future that will undoubtedly call for payment. I can't help but chastise myself for not having at least 24 jobs-one for every hour of the day!

Alas, the summer is almost to a close, and while I undoubtedly feel guilt for not having the minimum 24 summer jobs, I do feel a grand sense of delinquent satisfaction.

This summer I have allowed myself freedom. I have been freed from the chains of an alarm clock, packed lunches, tyrannical bosses, bothersome co-workers, rigid routines, and the over all pains induced by pretending to work. (If you've ever worked for BYU you know EXACTLY what I mean about pretending to work.) All in all, I have given myself the opportunity for exploration and expression. I have followed after my own passions in order to see where they might go.

Tonight I lie awake just to listen. Some of my favorite sounds are sounds of the night: crickets chirping, a train blowing in the distance, wind passing through trees, (and more specifically to Florida) frogs croaking, owls hooting, and thunder rolling in the distance. It feels lovely just to listen. To take the time to hear. It's in these moments that I consider myself wise to have allowed one last summer of potential. Wherein every hour holds the likelihood for a new adventure, and the nights are just as lovely as the days.






Completely Random Side Note: Reader this entry, and this blogg in general if I get real honest, has made it painfully clear to me that I'm a Romantic. Yes, that's right. Romantic with a capital "R". I'm not sure yet how to digest this. Any thoughts, for better or for worse, would be greatly appreciated.