Death Be Not Proud

I have always been afraid of death. Always. When I was younger, I was obsessed with the idea of a permanent separation from this life. It seemed cruel to rip a person away from this world, away from family and friends. I couldn't help but think, I LOVE living! Why would I ever want to die?

Every funeral, made me think of my own; every casket seemed ready to display my remains; and every headstone appeared ready to etch my name in it's stone.

I became curious and fascinated:
What would the headstone say?
Would anyone really come and visit me?
Would I care?
Where would I rest?
Would I even like where I ended up?

Over the years, I have grown to not only fear death it's self, but all earthly resemblances of death; to fear all the euphemisms we have appointed to those who have left this earth. You know: the caked on make-up which covers their faces and hands; super glue used to glue the mouth shut; flowers that cover the smell of the dead; the hearse that slowly creeps toward the cemetery; the bright green grass that appears lush and beautiful as it creates a facade of life while covering death and decay; and the embalming process - removing all semblances of life - is something that I have always hated to think about. CREEPY!

Anyway,

This has led me to ponder my own death and what I want. Naturally.

For me, I have decided that the least creepy post-death ritual I would like to endure is cremation. That's right reader, I want to be cremated. I have decided it's the most sanitary processes, the least ritualistic, and the most likely choice for me. I feel good about it. I would like my ashes (dust to dust, right?) spread around rather than in some creepy shrine for people to come and "visit" me in.

A shrine of death? Yuck!

Here's what confuses me though: everyone (and their mother!) thinks it's there responsibility to try and change my mind about cremation! Why? Why are so many people freaked out at the thought of removal by fire, and NOT freaked out by the thought of removal by earth worms?! I have most likely thought about the whole death processes more than most people, and I have decided that this is what I want; so then why are so many people disturbed by it?

Good Question Right?

Well, I have thought about this for awhile and the only conclusion I can come up with is that for most people the idea of having a wake (creepy!) and then being buried (super creepy!) is what brings them comfort. The process and the ritual is what allows them to let go. Perhaps the normalcy of the sales man at the funeral home, complex family arrangements, and the tombstone of accomplishments is what makes them feel like all is right in the world. Their loved one is gone, but they are still here. The world hasn't completely changed just because their personal world has been permanently altered. I get that.

I just don't get why they don't get me...or cremation for that matter. And I'll never understand why, without fail, everyone appears more disturbed by cremation, than by the death...or the rituals that surround us.