a man on the side of the road

I was driving on the freeway and I saw a homeless man walking on the side of the road with a dog. Seeing the man with the dog made me happy. I was happy to see he wasn't alone.

I reflected back on my childhood. As a child I thought it was unfair that a dog should be stuck with anyone who was homeless. I assumed that if they couldn't feed themselves, then there was no way they could feed the dog. The dog needed to be with a family, and have a real home. That was the "right" way to bring up an animal.

As I sped past the man walking along the freeway, I reflected on why I had changed so much. Why had the picture of a homeless man and his dog bring me so much joy? Instantly, and without thought, the answer came as a voice into my mind: "You've changed because now you understand what it means to be alone." Loneliness has been my great teacher; a demanding master, but one who has taught me greater empathy and love.

A painful lesson, but one worth learning.

Stephen Hawking

Time travel.

It's real my friends. My new hero, Stephen Hawking, proved it to me via the discovery channel. Thank you Stephen.

This is Stephen. He's bloody brilliant.

Actually let me re-phrase that. Time travel into the FUTURE is possible. They've already proved it in fact. Time travel into the PAST, however, is a completely different matter; nature, in her great wisdom, does not allow it. Traveling backwards leaves room for too many paradoxes, which would then leave the future unclear at best.

I find it so interesting that going back is not allowed- by nature, by God, and in many real instances, by man. No matter how much we scream and kick, no matter how much we punish ourselves, and no matter how much we wish, the past will never change. Even science cannot erase what has been.

I used to be plagued with a desire to revisit my past. It was a cancer to my mind and soul.
I wanted to go back to the day I made THAT decision. I take it back. All of it. Or I wanted to go back to THAT relationship. I can make it better, I know I can. This time I will make it work.
And I wanted to go back to THAT moment in Europe when I was sure the world was mine for the taking. This time I would REALLY cherish it. This time it would mean so much more.

God, can't I go back, for just one day, to my childhood? Where my parents protected me from all I feared. When friends appeared endless; in the days of never ending suns.

Thank you Stephen for the lesson. I walked away feeling as if I understood complex astro-physics, and that I more fully understood nature, and therefore myself, and consequently God - the creator of both. If we wish to "go back" we need only to embrace where we've been and then move forward a different person; with hope that the future will mean more BECAUSE of where we've been.

Time is not a concrete element.

It can be bent and manipulated

But not by my hand.

Only with my mind.

a little less conversation, a little more action

I've been trying to do some volunteer work this summer, but every organization of interest has been full and doesn't need any more help. Naturally, I begin to think: Seriously?! You're turning down volunteers?! Do you know how hard it is to volunteer in a town chock full of bored, do-gooder Mormons?! GAH!

Sometimes being around so many over achievers is exhausting.

Yesterday I was at J's apartment, when a girl mentioned that she was reading a book that was slowly turning her into a feminist. I smiled and jokingly exclaimed, "yes! another one is joining our camp!" Everyone else got quit and glossed over my comment.

When will "feminist" no longer be considered a 4 letter word?

Developing a relationship, and especially love within a relationship is so very fragile. Too much space and it will go out. Not enough room and it will die. It's a balance - a delicate dance of action and response. I guess that's why they call it a flame. Every spark is a potential, but only the right mix of materials makes a fire.

That's what I want. FIRE.