conscience break with rationaliazation to follow

Do you ever have those days that seem to fly by, despite the fact that at the end of the day you have no idea what exactly you've done to pass the time?

I believe summer was MADE for days like that. Sadly reader, I have this sinking suspicion that my lazy summer days are numbered. Soon, I will graduate. Society will force my hand at a job that will "keep me on task", include "fifteen minute breaks" and if I'm lucky a community "break room" stocked with a smelly refrigerator.

Tonight, however, I smile and relish in the fact that it's 1 AM and I'm sitting naked, drinking herbal tea, waiting for a new cd to download instead of snoozing away the steamy, hot night.

This brings us, however, to the crux of the issue. I have inherited - from my parents no doubt - a propensity for guilt brought on by an immensely bourgeoisie conscience. In other words, I get mini-panic attacks when I think about my pitiful savings despite the looming future that will undoubtedly call for payment. I can't help but chastise myself for not having at least 24 jobs-one for every hour of the day!

Alas, the summer is almost to a close, and while I undoubtedly feel guilt for not having the minimum 24 summer jobs, I do feel a grand sense of delinquent satisfaction.

This summer I have allowed myself freedom. I have been freed from the chains of an alarm clock, packed lunches, tyrannical bosses, bothersome co-workers, rigid routines, and the over all pains induced by pretending to work. (If you've ever worked for BYU you know EXACTLY what I mean about pretending to work.) All in all, I have given myself the opportunity for exploration and expression. I have followed after my own passions in order to see where they might go.

Tonight I lie awake just to listen. Some of my favorite sounds are sounds of the night: crickets chirping, a train blowing in the distance, wind passing through trees, (and more specifically to Florida) frogs croaking, owls hooting, and thunder rolling in the distance. It feels lovely just to listen. To take the time to hear. It's in these moments that I consider myself wise to have allowed one last summer of potential. Wherein every hour holds the likelihood for a new adventure, and the nights are just as lovely as the days.






Completely Random Side Note: Reader this entry, and this blogg in general if I get real honest, has made it painfully clear to me that I'm a Romantic. Yes, that's right. Romantic with a capital "R". I'm not sure yet how to digest this. Any thoughts, for better or for worse, would be greatly appreciated.

propaganda for arcade fire....parce que je les aime

Arcade Fire has FINALLY come out with another cd! Never heard of them?! Check em out! Under "Just the Songs" you can listen to 2 of the songs from the album. Personally, I'm in love...let me know what YOU think!

how do i love thee? let me count the ways...

Raplh Waldo Emerson. I love this guy.

I love him so much, in fact, that I want to name my first unborn son after him. (Well ok the Emerson part of his name. I'm not really feeling Raplh. Or Waldo for that matter.)




Verses penned by Emerson have literally changed me. My nature, thought process, and even self-image, have all been pulled out, examined, and redefined. Nothing is as it once was.

Reader, what have YOU read this summer that has similarly made you grow and think? If the answer is nothing, then I highly suggest you change that. Experiment with the power of transcendental thought, and immerse yourself in the pages of "Self-Relience" or "An American Scholar." I say, without the slightest hesitation, that if you allow yourself the time to read and ponder, thoughts will play upon your mind that will unfold to you your potential as a human being, and a creation of our God.

"American Scholar" poses the thought that you're not a banker, or a farmer, or a teacher, or a manger. Instead you are a HUMAN BEING who happens to bank, or farm, or teach, or manage. Our humanity is not defined by what we DO, but what we think and become. As children of the ALL KNOWING, we likewise have the potential, duty, and privilege of making our own pilgrimage to enlightenment-to becoming our own version of all knowing. We must climb the erudite ladder, with the focus of exploration our ENTIRE lives. Education is the power by which we gain awareness, and become-if we allow it to-closer to our God. In essence, we become like him, which is the destiny of all of humanity. By largely ignoring our minds and encumbering our intellectual reach, we are denying our innate objective-to be like God. Why then do we ever stop the search for higher intellectual awareness? Why do we ever stop learning?

"Self Reliance" is beautiful because you begin to feel utterly convinced that you hold, within your tiny hand the power of all creation. You hold the power within yourself to become who you want to become. You need nothing more than your own intellect and will power. "A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across HIS MIND FROM WITHIN, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages." Depend on the power of your OWN genius, and search out your OWN purpose, and look naught at others for emulation. "Envy is IGNORANCE; Imitation is SUICIDE." Stop conforming to what everyone else THINKS you should be, and truly be yourself. Envy and imitation only weaken the strength of your own soul-while turning your destiny into disarray.

Reader, I hope this incredibly TINY bit of Ralph Waldo Emerson has made you too catch his vision of humanity-and therefore of yourself. I hope you can see the magnitude of your own power. I hope this has inspired you to pick up his work, and begin your own journey of self exploration.

"To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men,-that is genius." What does it mean to be "genius"? Does it mean living for YOU? Is there really one truth for all, or is truth merely subjective? Perhaps the only truth that really matters is the truth you discover, for yourself, from within.